Things I do not ever want to do again

1. Live in western Pennsylvania
2. Sew costumes for an amateur production of South Pacific
3. Dye my hair red
4. Analyze software systems and financial spreadsheets
5. Watch The Passion of the Christ
6. Eat pureed sea urchin
7. Find a mouse in my apartment
8. Have my teeth cut out of my gums
9. Deal with anyone related to California’s Employment Development Department
10. Date an atheist on a mission
11. 6th grade
12. Use the terms “ROI,” “best practices,” or “impactful” in a sentence
13. Ride any amusement park ride that involves falling 10 stories in five seconds
14. Work at TCBY
15. Drive to LA during rush hour
16. Pierce anything
17. Spend two days before Christmas stuck in a snowstorm, living in a smoking room with a broken TV at the Days Inn in Ft. Wayne, IN
18. Move cross-country