repost: single minded

At a conference of young leaders this week, I sat down next to a guy I didn’t know and we did the typical get-to-know-you chitchat that happens at things like this: Where do you live, how do you like it, what church do you minister with. I asked if he had kids and was surprised when he answered he had none and was single. A megachurch pastor, single??? It reminded me of this blog entry, and since I’m busy conferencing this week I’m reposting it. Love to hear your thoughts, unless you’re the guy who commented on Facebook after I first wrote it that “Pastors can’t be single because they’ll …


what singles want to tell your church

—We’re not a life stage. Although statistically many of us are in our 20s and early 30s, to equate singles ministry with a “college and career” group leaves many of us out. A divorced, widowed, or never-married person in her 30s, 40s and beyond has little in common with the never-married, childless, recent college graduates involved in these groups.

Singleness is not just a phase of life for the young who haven’t yet married—it’s a marital status that can be part of life at any age.

—We can do more. Whether it’s expanding that group to reach other singles like us, …


single minded

Last week during a meeting, one of the leaders of a national church planting network remarked, “We don’t allow single men to plant churches.”

A few years ago, the committee introduced me to a minister in another state. During one of our phone calls he shared how hard it had been to find a church willing to hire a never-married, not-currently-engaged man to serve as their senior leader.

As Paul Williams has written, the pressure to “find a good mate at college” still exists, and if a man knows he won’t be able to land a …


singled out

I’m usually fine with being single. I’d like to be married someday, but life is good and I’ve always been (too) independent, so I’m content on my own…..usually. This week was not one of those times.

Nope, didn’t see a cute couple holding hands. Didn’t watch a sappy movie. Didn’t even feel too stressed at the prospect of unpacking and setting up the new house by myself—actually, I enjoy doing this alone without a guy insisting, as one of my friends insists to his wife, that every wall be painted only white.

So, none of those things. Instead I had a glass jug fall on my head.

Thursday morning, while standing on a …


At dinner with some friends this weekend, one of them described the guy she’d just started dating. He was raised in a Christian home but no longer attends church or “practices” any faith. My friend likes him and plans to see him again but she’s also approaching it casually; she realizes his lack of faith is a major issue.

Whether or not she should date a non-Christian at all is a whole other discussion. In his book How to Find a Date Worth Keeping, Henry Cloud asserts that dating unbelievers is fine if you approach it as a way to make new friends, have fun, and grow as a person. As …