things I don’t understand, part 15

Believing the King James Version is the only inspired, true version of the Bible. Apparently these folks read nothing but the KJV.

Why male ballet dancers can’t just wear looser pants.

“Pin trading” at Disney World.

Why parents who are unable to discipline their children expect teachers to.

Girls who spend entire concerts with one hand in the air, bobbing up and down.

Why Hyles-Anderson College offers a degree in “Marriage and Motherhood.” Imagine the millions of women who have had to do it without classes! (Note also the Associate degree in “Missionary’s Wife.”)


a list for friday–25 things I can promise you I will never do

Wear my cell phone in a belt holster.

Watch a soap opera.

Stop eating carbs.

Appear in a local TV commercial.

Listen to Joel Osteen without rolling my eyes.

Revision: Listen to Joel Osteen.

Catch up on my email.

Run for office.

Get tired of talking to four-year-olds.

Dress up as a clown.

Eat blood sausage.


Voluntarily watch NASCAR.

Own a rat.

Say I love anything “to death.”



Date any man who wears a kilt. 

Shave my head.

Write “lol” after every any sentence on Facebook.

My child’s science …


things I don’t understand, part 5


Chicken Soup for the NASCAR Soul

Being afraid of any bug you can kill with one stomp.

Why we use those little fish food pellets for communion. We have multi-million dollar sound systems. Bread is too expensive?

Why none of the children I grew up with had peanut allergies, but today every third kid swells up if he walks past a jar of JIF.

The parents who bring two year olds to the 10:00 movie. I know, you can’t get a sitter and you, wrongly, believe your child will fall asleep or play quietly. Let me tell you what will really happen: he will …