my life in texts, part 9


Tell Miles I’ll give him five dollars to have a five-minute conversation with a college girl.

Listening to Hall and Oates. You have inspired me.

Hypothetically, where would the floor cleaner be for when Nikki pukes?

Did not realize the new dress code for flying is yoga pants.

I have no idea who these guys are.

We should make a video. A viral one.

On my way to breakfast. Wearing my hipster shirt.

I’m gonna need a young priest and an old priest.

Uzbek food tonight!

He says he’s 5’10” but I think he’s shorter.
Guys lie about their height. It’s a thing.

There is Febreze in the car.
I believe this room is beyond Febreze.

They are working with the hotel to get the huge pictures of devils and naked women removed from the pastor’s room.

You should get “Soul Doctor” on your new business cards.

Nina is grounded but that doesn’t mean we are grounded.

The church said no. I’m too creative.

Nikki is not eating much but that makes sense because his steplady left.

If anyone can find the secret speaker’s room, you can.

I finally found painters worse than the ones who painted our house.

I think you mentioned you could take the girls home. I will pay you eight thousand dollars to do it.

Send me a picture of the grossness.

Good night, sweets.

Oh, there’s more.

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