15 things I learned on vacation

Yak tastes a lot like beef but costs $4 more.

It doesn’t rain much in Colorado, unless the Johnsons are going to a waterpark.

I want to travel everywhere by train.

It’s good that Miles didn’t lose his suitcase, because he simply wrote “Cheesesteak City” as the address on his luggage tag.

Nina doesn’t talk much when the hike starts at 7 am and she stayed up until 1am watching “The Office.”

Abhineeta Matney makes amazing Indian food from scratch (and she’s gracious when you’re 15 minutes late because of the bad traffic in Denver).

There is always, …


14 things about Matt

1. Sometimes, in certain small circles, I get more attention because of my writing or some of the other work I do. Matt is very talented himself, but he never resents being “Jen’s husband.” He encourages me in every opportunity that comes and he makes a point of telling me he’s proud of me.

2. With a BA and two master’s degrees, Matt can hold his own talking to just about anyone. He has well-formed opinions on theology, politics, history, and social issues and can discuss them intelligently. Yet he is …


my life in texts, part 10

Hi from Atlanta.
Hi from Denver.
Hi from Chicago.
Hi from Atlanta. Again.

Where the %#$@ do you hide the butter?

I can’t do a phone conference in the subway.

Part of my job is coordinating 14 people, none of whom speak English.

Please turn off the hot tub jets.

If you don’t take out the recycling I will punch you in the facehole.

Do u have 19 cents?

I can make you hot chocolate as bribery.

There is not an abundance of competence in this store.

Nina – turn off the hot tub!

It’s like there’s a …


ten ways to celebrate next year’s “National Day of Patriotic Devotion”

Declare yourself at war with your local news station.

Talk to a lot of white men. Repeatedly blame one of your professional failures on “the illegals.”

Sit outside in the rain blessings from God.

Have a party for ten people. The next day, tell everyone there were at least fifty folks there.

Add razor wire to the fence around your back yard.

Act like you make 1/1000th of what you actually make. Call people in your actual income bracket “elitist.”

Insult and interrupt everyone you know. Later, criticize them for not liking you.

Celebrate the complete eradication of ISIS from the face of the earth.

Buy American. Realize that leaves very little …


Proverbs 31, updated

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than mutual funds.

Her husband has full confidence in her
and has no idea how they would manage if she didn’t work.

She brings him good, and brings in the groceries,
all the days of her life.

She selects only the best box mixes
and frosts the cookies for the school bake sale by HAND.

She gets up while it is still night
and puts a chicken into the crockpot
and kibble in the dog bowl.

She considers a URL and buys it;
out of her earnings she …


10 things I learned this week

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You know you do a lot of enewsletters when MailChimp sends you socks for Christmas.

“Preaching the gospel that God has come down to earth to restore small, broken humans has no place when humans don’t feel small or broken. So, to share the Good News here, first we have to be bearers of bad news.” This is so true here in Levittown, too.

The only thing more tedious than decorating for Christmas is undecorating after Christmas.

Don’t send the first draft of the angry email.

No one …


9 things I learned this week


I love David Archuleta’s Christmas album and I’m not embarrassed about it all.

After receiving a Rubik’s cube in a youth group gift exchange, my husband will spend 75 minutes solving it. This is my version of the fifth circle of hell.

The quickest way to clean the downstairs is to take everything upstairs.

When you leave your phone on an airport shuttle bus and then chase after it full-out sprinting, you will not catch it but you will get sympathetic smiles from nearby cab drivers.

Nina will decide that two hours before an …


12 things I learned this week

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Matt can make Christmas trees out of napkins.

When you have Santa at your church on a 55-degree day, he’s going to need a fan and a lot of ice water to stay cool.

It costs $24.95 to dry clean a Santa suit.

Apparently CS Lewis worked for MI6 Now I like him even more.

I also like Cheetos, a lot more than I should.

Every light in our house has to be on ALL THE TIME or the terrorists win.

The only difference between muffins and cupcakes is icing.

This might …


10 things I learned this week


I can bag 22 bags of leaves in 90 minutes on Saturday afternoon.

I will still be feeling it Tuesday night.

Miles’s discarded extra-large hoodies are the perfect winter pajamas.

The nativity set will be out for two days before we lose Mary.

You can learn something valuable in just five minutes a day.

I don’t mind being distracted from an editing job when the distraction is Nina and one of her best friends talking and laughing downstairs.

Eating 20 almonds makes my stomach say DO NOT EVER EAT 20 …


6 things I learned this week


I get an awful lot done when I wake up for the day after less than four hours of sleep.

You can hang up your towels to save the planet and the hotel staff will still give you new ones.

When we babysit four little boys, Nikki will try to hump each of them at least once.

America could learn a thing or three from Belgium.

Matt’s pretty darn good at “Just Dance.”

There is always so much to be thankful for (including that I’m friends with one of the funniest and most talented people on …