17
Aug

a list for friday: things I learned at Trinity Broadcasting Network, NOW WITH VIDEO

The original version of this post is less than a year old, but I’m reposting it because I just discovered this program actually aired on TBN in June and it’s available online. So if you want to see me acting perkier than I ever will again in this lifetime, here’s the video. (Concert starts 30 minutes in. Cheesiness starts with the intro voiceover.)




— It takes me about 45 minutes to memorize a song well enough to sing it with occasional looks at a teleprompter. I’m not sure this knowledge will ever be useful to me again, but now I know.

— It’s a lot harder than it looks from the audience.

— Some people aren’t amused by jokes about jazz hands.

— Number of times I can patiently answer stupid or unnecessary questions before getting annoyed: 23

— Number of these questions I was asked: 87


— They like their mirrors.¬†Even the bathroom has floor-to-ceiling mirrored walls. Because that’s obviously a time you want to see yourself from every angle.

— It’s possible to buy a TV-worthy black pants¬†suit at Kohl’s at 8 am the morning of a show.

— When in doubt, wear sequins.

— Steve Green still looks like he’s 30 years old.

— It’s possible to apply makeup by the light of an iPad.

— I need a makeup person to just follow me around.

— The gift shop is called “Gold, Frankincense and Myrhh,” the implication being, apparently, that today the wise men would have brought the baby Jesus collectible plates and “A Tribute to Dottie Rambo.”



— They’re also big fans of the Bible, although I’m not sure why people are signing it like a yearbook.

— No matter how many times you practice raising your hands at the end of a song, someone is going to forget.

— That someone was me.

— Mr. Harris is a supremely classy and talented man.

Saying yes can lead to you standing eight feet away from him and Sandi Patty, holding a microphone, thinking, “CRAP. I’m going to be on TV.”

— Saying yes can lead to you standing eight feet away from him and Sandi Patty while they debut their new duet, thinking, “If you’d told me about this when I was 12 years old and obsessively listening to every Sandi Patty song, I would have peed my pants.” (Followed quickly by, “I can’t believe they still hit those notes.”)

— The best feeling in the world is coming home afterward and changing into pajamas and fuzzy socks.

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