I’m not sure who started it, but Matt and I remind each other how lucky the other one is to be in this relationship by saying, “See what you’re getting??” This statement is usually reserved for moments of particular achievement: Matt wiring and hanging new lights throughout his house this spring, or fitting all my belongings in the Budget moving truck with Tetris-like skill, or making lasagna while supervising homework and sending out the church enews.
Come to think of it, he’s usually the one who gets to say it. My sarcastic uses of it, such as after having a total meltdown over the way Nina sticks her hand in the potato chip bag 37 times in a row instead of pouring a serving of chips on her plate, are met with less enthusiasm. Oh yes, he sees what he’s getting—a total spaz.
Anyway, as I begin the final countdown to a new life as a wife and stepmom, it seemed appropriate to not only appreciate this kind, patient man but also his great kids. Here are some of my favorite moments from the last 18 months. See what I’m getting?
Miles: I made some good bread in Home Ec today. It’s here in my book bag, look! Oh, it’s kind of flat.
Matt: How was your first day of school?
Miles: Great, but remember last year when I went to the wrong classes in the morning…….?
Matt: Olive oil acts as an anti-inflammatory.
Miles: So you can’t light it?
Matt: Nina, I don’t care if the sign says, “free samples,” we are in a pet store. DON’T EAT IT.
Matt: Great! What was the test over?
Miles: The geometry of Greece.
Matt: Do you mean the geography of Greece?
Miles: Maybe it was the geology of Greece.
Matt: How did you get an “A” if you didn’t know this?
Nina: Last night I had a dream I was in the Hunger Games. Miles was the hardest for me to kill.
Nina: I would rather someone be kind to me than be honest.
Miles: You’re pretty.
Miles: Ouch! You’re hitting me in the head!
Nina: Well, that’s all you’re letting me hit.
Nina: Could you kill someone with a pillow? Well, yes, I guess you could if the pillow had a chainsaw in it.
Matt: Did you miss that spot when you mowed the lawn?
Miles: No, that grass just grows faster than the rest.
Miles: I’m reading a story about a boy who can’t use his arm.
Matt: If you only had one arm what would you miss most?
Nina: My other arm.
Matt: Why’d you miss the bus at your mom’s house?
Miles: It was early.
Matt: So it was early for everyone and everyone missed it? The bus arrived at school empty because every kid missed the early bus?
Miles: I don’t know. I wasn’t there.
Miles: The less you think about it the better idea it seems.
Dr. Files: Your dad made you go to church this week?
Miles: Of course. I didn’t want to die at home on Sunday morning and go to hell.
Nina: Are people married in heaven?
Matt: Jesus doesn’t think so. [Insert teaching about Jesus’s response to a similar question.]
Nina: Oh, okay…….Then is there dating?
Miles: So Joseph had no union with Mary?
Miles: What’s union?
Nina: So what’s a family reunion?
Nina: God doesn’t talk back to us when we pray. Maybe he’s just not a people person.
And my all-time favorite…..
(in the Greek sculpture wing of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC)
Nina: Why are all these statues naked???
Jen: Well, the artists believed the human body was beautiful and that it took a lot of skill to do this kind of work. So you were considered a good artist if you could sculpt the body.
Nina: Well, I think you’d be a good artist if you could sculpt some PANTS.