a list for friday: jobs I’d have if I couldn’t be a writer

— Forest ranger, just because it would be fun to tell other people. Try it. Say: “I’m a forest ranger.” Bet you smiled.

— Meteorologist in southern California. Seriously, this has to be the easiest job ever; 362 days a year it’s 72 and sunny, and on the three when it’s rainy you acquire godlike status for a population who is afraid to leave the house.

— Any TV news broadcaster. It would give me the opportunity to test my theory that, yes, there ARE options other than speaking in that stilted, unnatural cadence, and people will actually watch more, learn more and like it more if anchors were conversational.

Actually Jon Stewart already proved this but it would still be fun.

Librarian. I’ve been known to surreptitiously sniff the binding of magazines because I love the smell of ink and paper so much. Anyone who does this needs to be around books all day.

— Gardener. Some of the happiest days of my entire year are the ones I spend weeding and planting my flowerbeds. (Does that make me weird? Never mind, I just told you I smell magazines.) I know doing this on a large scale is much different and more difficult, but it still seems fun. And think how great your arms would look.

— Sales clerk in a cruise ship store. This one explains itself.

— Water slide tester. Yes, this is a real job.

— Podcast producer. I’m addicted to This American Life, The Splendid Table, and On Being. If I can’t research and write thoughts all day, I’ll research and speak them.

— Modern artist. Hey, I can paint stripes.

What job would you love to have?

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